Fred kindly agreed to put exerpts of my two bigger works on his website, to attract potential betareaders, people willing to help me improve the writing.
I don't intend to try publishing the stories, I just wish to have them written as well as I can, and learn to do it better, just as I would, for example, want a drawing to be done as best I can without intending to approach a gallery with my product. Perhaps I'll change my mind in twenty years, but not right now.
The Seasons & Elements trilogy is a serial of three books, each with around 200k words, two of which are written, plus a bit of the third, and then I got stuck for various reasons, including that I noticed that I forgot a particular character and have to at least mention it in the second book (will do next time I re-read the whole thing).
The first book is ready to be sent off for comments, though.
It's large-scope fantasy, with magic, a different species on its own world, and no humans in sight. But while the threat is global, the story concentrates on the people. There's not much fast action, if the little there is can even be called that. One big battle somewhere in the middle of the first book.
The titles are:
(I'd like something else for the third, indicating a status between controlled and controlling, preferably starting with 'C'.)
The Magic Earth series is a serial of six books, with an average of 130k words each, of which roughly 6.75 are written (yes, that's more than six --I wrote past the end for reasons that needn't be adressed here).
The first book is ready to be sent off for comments and may be able to stand alone (though not with a happy end).
It's fantasy, with magic, mostly normal humans, on Earth, only with a different history alltogether (due to the magic). It starts small-scope, but gets bigger in the following books, though always concentrating on the people. There's little to no fast action.
The titles are:
(I'm still waiting for inspiration on the last two titles, which should follow the same pattern.)
On the cover you see a sun burning down on a barren landscape, yellow-gray hard-caked sand, with perhaps a single, lone, leaf-less shrub, and only in the far distance a hint of a little green patch.
In the foreground are people, clearly not humans (pointed ears, some have talons instead of fingernails, some have wings, perhaps even fangs are discernible), flying on dragon-like creatures. (Drakes; vaguely tearshaped, scaled body, a long neck that's maned in the same colour as the scales, large wings, thick, stubby hind legs, and arm-like forelegs. No horns or tentacles sprouting from the head.)
The riders are multicoloured, literally:
Three snow-white people with black hair, a light gray person with violet eyes and talons, two olive-brown people, two brown people, a pitch-black person, a tanned person with literally yellow hair, and far in the distance are three orange-brown people.
They're flying on white, green, brown, black, and orange drakes, and a large group of white, riderless drakes are flying above.
Someone poring over the details would be able to discern different clothes, too, but that would go too far here. :)
"The peaceful life of the tribes was shaken when the unthinkable happened; families slaughtered and people abducted. Gorash, the leader of the Winter tribe, sets out to hunt down those responsible and get his people back, while not only he struggles to continue in a world suddenly strange to him.
"Along the way his group grows, but with it the danger of starting a war between the tribes, for some of their ways differ as fire and water do.
"Meeting, and dealing with the other tribes, he has to remember that they all share the same basic values, ignore his own customs to protect the continuation of another tribe, and eventually learn that there is a reason why they all live so far apart."
'This tale of dire fate alternating with light humour is reminiscent of <insert morst unfitting author>.'
<g>
(Btw, I wouldn't buy it for that blurb, because it highlights all the things I wouldn't want to read, thus I say 'misrepresent'; it's aimed at what people put on covers to get buyers.)
On the cover, perhaps, could be a scene inside a vast hall, the walls gray, the ceiling painted with primitive tribes' people dancing around those far below. The floor is filled with actual people dressed in glaring, mismatching colours, the men in flaring shirts and tight pants, the women in dresses with wide skirts, and tops intended to flatten and hide whatever breast they possess.
These people shape a wide aisle that a lone woman walks down towards a plattform just above the people's heads, with white hair, gray eyes, and dressed in flowing white robes, face beautiful but cold. On the plattform is a tall guy in a floorlength, shapeless, black thing, smiling at the woman, and a short woman, also in black but of the cut the others wear, watching the approaching woman with not so happy an expression.
"In a world where everyone can use magic, Kelsan has so little that he can't even take care of the most basic things himself. But even his brother Ranes, a Farseer born with exceptional skill, would be helpless against Arentus, the Shan of Solid city, whose power has grown out of all proportion over millenia.
"For nine years now they are hiding from the Shan, Ranes out of sight and Kelsan with a new face and not using his given name, until events lead Ranes' girlfriend Dayta, and Kelsan right into Arentus' grasp, who knows exactly who they are, and he has a special interest in both Farseers and great skill.
"While Kelsan finds out more than he ever wanted to know and is worried not only about the woman of his heart, Dayta learns that there is worse than the Shan of Solid city, and he their only protection."
'A grisly tale without a happy end, where in the end no one is better off, and some even worse. <insert newspaper name>'
<g>
Somewhere in the introduction or whatever I would feel the need to point out that this is not a story about 'remove the evil overlord'. Just to be fair, because that won't happen.
(He was supposed to be a fixture in the backround. Wasn't my fault that he pushed himself onto the stage and took over. ;) )
I've also got an ASCII map (and the original on paper) for the S&E, plus some data that would go in an appendix, but I don't think we need that here. For the ME, all the map one would need is an atlas, and an idea of where I placed Solid City (roughly where L.A. is on our world).
Something else that may need to be said somewhere: They're not stories for kids. While I feel that the S&E is closer to the usual SF in terms of bad things happening (bigger focus on the good guys), and even in the ME are no explicit details (where it's far more present), the bad guys in both do horrible things, in part 'on screen'. Trying to find the exact difference, I'd say the nasty stuff in the S&E is more on the bloody, violent side, while in the ME it's mean, below the belt.
The S&E excerpt contains the inspection of a crime site, including dead bodies. The exerpt of the ME contains nothing to worry about, unless the mention of whores (some teenaged) and their profession is a problem. Oh, and a character says that where he's from, thieves get skinned.
Incase anyone on rasfc ever gets confused what series I'm talking about, here's a way to tell them apart that I once emailed someone:
Seasons & Elements trilogy (short S&E) is, as the name says, about seasons and elements: Night, Earth, Autumn, Fire, Summer, Water, Spring, Air, Winter, Magic. These terms all refer to the different tribes. The people, shaped by these terms, are naturally not humans, and therefore the ones with wings and fangs and talons... And they've got the drakes they're distantly related to.
Magic Earth series (short ME) is, as the name tries to say, about an earth like our world (geographically) where magic is real and in theory everyone can use it. Therefore it has the different history, but (mostly) normal humans like we are, only with magic. It's got the evil overlords (and evil overladies), who are humans (plus one neanderthal-alike), but they are around since the first folks discovered the use of magic and found a way to prevent aging. It's also got the Farseers, the people who can watch our world --any place, and without having to access magic first-- because the Magic Earth is parallel to ours (roughly to the mid 1990s). The bit with the cold forest that I posted in the 'Atmosphere' thread is from the third book.
Note that it's what I'd _like_, not what you must comment on. Pick and choose what you feel like commenting on, and kindly let me know which points you drop.
- When the writing drags.
- When something is unclear. (And can it wait or should it be adressed now?)
- When the writing seems aprupt, jerky ('flow is off').
- Something seems off, inconsistent, doesn't add up.
- Anything writing related that I can't think of now.
- Especially with the Seasons & Elements trilogy, the entire species has to be indroduced in some way. Please tell me about problems in that regard.
- Viewpoint confusion (every scene is supposed to have only one viewpoint).
- If you have the urge to comment on typos, feel free. I tend to find them sooner or later, though, so I don't ask for proofreading.
Also:
- Nothing is meant as a pure infodump; if you think there is one, something is off. Please let me know. (I welcome suggestions on how to do it better, too.)
- Please note that I know that in some cases, speech requires a comma, not a period as I use. If I were trying to get someone to publish my stuff, I'd fix that. As it is I leave it because the comma upsets my sense of balance. - Please don't tell me 'what readers want', I ask what you think. Hypothetical nonexistent readers aren't going to convince me. The impression you have might well.
The first line of each scene is not part of the story, but contains information for me to easier find it. It's viewpoint (where it's supposed to be clear from the text), day-of-story, time-of-day, and place (also where it's mentioned in the text). If the viewpoint isn't clear from the text, or too late for your taste, please let me know.
You can send comments on what's here to: Tina_Hall@kruemel.org (no html mails, no attachments; they don't get through). For the rest, it would be better if I can place your name (like being a familiar poster from rasfc, rasfw, or rgrn). I would then ask someone to send the full first book as an attachment to you.
If you write fantasy stories and are looking for a betareader, you can email me, too. Again it would be better if I can place your name. I like to read other people's stories because I am interested in what those known posters on rasfc actually write. I've given up on finding something in published works that I actually like --also the reason I started writing my own stories-- and here is an entirely different cause for being interested in reading it than my own entertainment: the writer.
As encouragement to let me read it, I offer to give comments as neutrally and according-to-the-writer's-wishes as I can, so they get something out of it, too. So far two people let me read a story of theirs, and both said my comments were at least in part helpful.
Rasfc, rasfw, and rgrn are abbreviations for the Usenet newsgroups rec.arts.sf.composition, rec.arts.sf.written, and rec.games.roguelike.nethack, respectively. I'm still hanging out on rasfc, a newsgroup for people who give, get, or exchange their sometimes good, sometimes dubious wisdom about writing stories, or just read along. Or at times talk about cats, chocolate, or stew. It's not for posting stories! For more see the FAQ, posted bi-weekly and maintained online at http://www.lshelby.com/rasfcFAQ.html. Some fresh blood would be welcome, don't be scared off! Just like in real life not everyone's friendly or always in a good mood, but the folks there tend not to sacrifice newbies on Anhur's altar. Most days.
See you there
Tina
Tina_Hall@kruemel.org (no html mails, no attachments; they don't get through)
Many thanks to Fred Koerper for putting this up on his webpage!
7. You write your own stories and want a betareader
8. What's rasfc, rasfw, and rgrn?